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riceronin
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Name: T
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Interests: Music. I download lots of crap, but buy when I get the chance. lately I've been listening to japanese indie/street rock, but I'm always open to suggestions. for example, I have this french r&b song stuck in my head at the moment and...yeah. I'm gonna stop talking now. just check out my audioscrobbler (click 'visit my website')
Expertise: hmm. not really sure. I do play shamisen, but otherwise...hmm...I'm good at not getting viruses? I guess that's a plus...
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  riceronin
Member Since:
2/6/2003
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| I don't understand drinking.
Beer, ok. Yes. Social lubricant, let's quench our thirst, share a few beers, etc.
Shots I don't get. I just don't get them. People who I love hanging out with end up turning into people I hate seeing, people who I would do anything for become nothing more than spoiled children, etc. Tonight I went to a party with the intention of saying hi and then leaving, but ended up seeing a great number of people I love hanging out with completely trashed and completely, to be a little extreme, disgusting to me.
I used to think I didn't care if people were drunk and whatnot, but now I realize that it bothers me because all that drinking does, as far as I can tell, is turn people into really really really stupid dumbasses who do stupid things and in general act like fucking babies. If you can't be social sober, then that means you need to get over yourself and learn to be friendly. If you can't just enjoy life as it is, then that's your own problem. I don't see how using some random liquid is going to make your life better. Alcohol becomes an excuse for being able to do things. "Oh, I was really friendly because I was drunk". Well why can't you be friendly without the booze?
Aaaand on an emo tangent.
Tonight one of my friends (who had a few drinks prior, not sure if he was drunk or just being a jerk) asked me to go onto his computer and make a mix CD for a party I was at for 5 minutes.
It didn't occur to me until halfway through the burning process that he could have just done it himself.
It also occured to me that that situation was the perfect metaphor for where I fit in socially.
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| Music : Ken Oak Band - The Biggest Problem
Today I leave for Manzanar.
Manazanar was an American concentration camp where people of Japanese ethnicity were placed during World War II, among these people of Japanese ethnicity my mother's side of my family.
Five years ago I went to Manzanar for the first time and it was definitely a turning point in my life that has changed the shape of how I view myself and how I view the society I live in. If you read through this account of my life over the past 4 years, you'll see how it has given me the strength to be angry but at the same time the strength to be calm in the face of that which I oppose.
I remember going to the site on the annual pilgrimmage, hearing speakers talk about broad topics like freedom and identity that my eigth grade head could not grasp, but somehow understood. I remembering hearing a professor (all I remember is that his first name was Satoshi...or maybe it started with a T...can't remember) speak about his experiences growing up and I remember being profoundly affected by his words despite the fact that he was talking about things I had yet to experience. I remember seeing a spoken word trio which reflected on 9/11 and its aftermath, them inspiring me to use my words to express the inner pain I feel for wounds that were not inflicted upon me. Incidently, I recently met one of the members of this trio and am hoping to work with her in the future.
This trip...will be different. It will be with my school's Japanese-American organization, an organization which is far from political. I will be there to go to the museum and possibly do nothing else, but...I feel like before I can open up this new chapter in my life as an Asian-American activist I need to visit this site again, even if it's only for a few seconds. I will be returning periodically this semester, but hopefully this will be my catalyst and my inspiration will flow
When I was there last, there was no museum. It was just beginning to be built. There is a wall with the all inmates names.
I don't know what will happen once I read my grandparent's names.
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| Music : Stars - Your Ex-lover is Dead
I've been really down lately and it's been really bad. Like...it's strange because my happiest moments seem to be when I'm the furthest inside myself.
It's a culmination of a lot of things, and none of them can be dealt with tidily. It isn't even a matter of just talking to the right people or studying that extra five hours or anything. It's just crap that happens to me way too often for comfort.
My escape has been taken, as well. I mean...it isn't anyone's fault and I'm not going to point fingers because it really isn't anyone's fault and it's really just me being unreasonable more than anything, but my escape used to be my hiphop team and now I find myself trying to escape it. I love the people there, but I tried to keep my contact with most of them to a minimum...but...now I feel like I'm almost with them too much. They're really great people and I'm glad that we can keep the relationship going, but...it's like seeing too much of the same person. You feel invaded almost. And it isn't as if I'm just planning on meeting with them and then complaining. I end up randomly hanging out with them...and it's kind of like two worlds have combined for me and I never wanted the two to meet.
But we'll see. We'll see. It'll be better in the end...because I mean...if worse comes to worse, I can quit. I really don't want to, but...the only thing that would solve the problem would be having someone else quit and I really don't want them too because I think they need it more than I do and I'm so glad that they've joined the team, even if it's digging away at my own so called happiness. I have enough in me to keep going...
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| Music : 2Pac feat. Dr. Dre - California Love
Lately things have been kind of not so good.
But I'm going to try to look on the best side of it all. I think this is just one of my dips, and hopefully it won't dip too low.
Hopefully.
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